Deceptively Complex
by JoBethMegAmy. my homegirls
Summary: three-shot. Set after 3x14, in a world where Maura is done taking all of Jane's ridiculous, cringe-worthy, ooc BS, and also hints at why anyone (but especially she) would be better for Jane than Casey I'm-wounded-so-you're-a-villain-if-you-dare-dislike-me Jones. Then Jane points out Maura hasn't exactly been stellar in the dating department lately, either. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Okay so first of all, I swear I actually mean it when I say this is going to be a two-shot (...at most a three-shot). Second of all, in case you couldn't tell by the description of this story, I'm hella bitter about the way this whole Jane/Casey "love story" has unfolded. I mean good heavens if this wasn't the most frustrating episode of the season, if not show. I really, really needed to write this out, and if any of it feels forced, it's because basically I just needed a way to vent my frustration with Jane in this episode while also fulfilling my most basic need in life at this point, which is Rizzles.

* * *

"Hey! What're you doing here?"

Jane's tone was surprisingly light, happy; for a moment before Maura looked up from her empty lap, she wasn't sure if the cheerfulness was genuine, or another example of Jane's typical defense mechanism: after any small display of weakness, act like everything is fine, and maybe you can fool somebody. Maura looked up and though she saw the honest-enough smile on Jane's face, she couldn't bring herself to get rid of the frown on her own. When Jane sat right next to her on the stoop, Maura couldn't bring herself to offer even a fake smile of greeting.

After a few silent moments with no response, Jane said, "What's up? You weren't there when we got back to HQ with the perp."

"Well, it wasn't so much a victory for me as for homicide, was it?" Maura asked breathlessly. "You and your athlete's eagle eye solved this one without much science."

"Yeah, but…" Jane was ready to joke around, to tease her, or even reassure Maura that her scientific opinion helped more than not—but it was obvious to the detective that that wasn't really the issue bothering her friend. As soon as she'd weakly started talking just now, Maura's eyes closed and her hand tiredly went to her forehead. Jane noticed Maura was shivering, and mistaking it for a sign that Maura was cold, she shrugged off her blazer and threw it over Maura's shoulders. Maura clutched at it with one hand, but didn't say anything. "Maura? What's …why didn't you even try calling? You're starting to freak me out a little."

Maura breathed in sharply, turning away from Jane just slightly. "Oh, am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked.

"What? No, I'm just getting worried! Are you okay—?"

"No, no, I'm not okay!" Maura cried, her words nearly slurring together as her hands thrust out in sudden emotion and she turned back to fully face Jane. Her panicked, harried, utterly un-Maura like tone only deepened Jane's concern, evident in her expression. Maura continued in a quieter but no more calm voice: "I'm not okay because _you're_ not okay. I feel like…" She swallowed hard, blinking back tears, half-wishing she hadn't come here at all. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

Jane's mouth fell open. Coming from her best friend, this felt like a dagger to the heart. "Maura, what are you _talking _about?"

"You don't even get it," Maura whispered, averting her gaze again. "Never mind, I shouldn't have come."

She stood up, fully prepared to walk away, but Jane got to her feet as well and grabbed Maura's elbow. "No, Maura. You don't get to show up on my stoop, say something like that and then just leave!"

"Why not? Everybody else is!" Maura hissed, pulling her arm out of Jane's loose grip.

"Was that a dig at Casey?" Jane asked, features darkening.

"You're getting warm."

"A dig at _me_? You mad at me, Maura?"

"Brilliant deductive skills, detective."

Jane scowled at her. "I don't know what I did to you, but we're not having this conversation out in the open."

"I don't want to have it at all."

"Like hell you don't! You brought it up! So c'mon, let's get this over with!" With an air of supreme impatience, Jane walked up the remaining steps and yanked the door open. She stared fiercely down at Maura until the doctor steeled herself and stalked up the steps, throwing Jane's blazer back at her as she passed. "Thank you," Jane growled, throwing the blazer over her shoulder by its collar and following Maura up the stairs. When they reached her door, Jane thrust the key in the knob with a bit more force than was actually called for, and pushed it open hard, allowing Maura to go inside first. "Now," Jane said, walking in and kicking the door shut behind her. She tossed her blazer on a nearby chair. "What the hell's going on? Are you still pissed about the whole softball thing?"

"Well, we could easily start there if you like," Maura said, folding her arms.

"Susie showed up wearing socks and _flip-flops!_"

"So?"

"So?! You don't wear flip-flops to a softball practice! You wear sports shoes!"

"You know what else you wear? A sports _bra_, which unless I'm mistaken, is not what you were wearing! That's right, I noticed!" Maura said, looking stern when Jane's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You were wearing one of the pairs I made you buy the last time we went shopping together! I told you they would make a difference!"

Jane groaned in frustration. "Did you _really _come over here to yell at me about my undergarment choices today?!"

Maura's hands balled into fists, and she stood as tall as possible. She took a deep breath to try and stead herself a little before saying, "I came here to tell you to stop …to stop…"

"Stop _what?"_ Jane pressed her, totally lost.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop acting like Casey Jones is the end-all, be-all for you."

It had been a while since Maura had seen Jane look so shocked and so hurt. "I… I think I need to sit down," she muttered, sinking onto her couch. Maura remained standing next to it as Jane ran a hand through her hair. "You think—with Casey wounded like this, you think I feel _sorry _for myself?"

"I don't know what to think anymore," Maura said with a weak shrug. "This isn't you, Jane."

"_What _isn't me?" Jane asked, her voice harsh and defensive. "Feeling sad that my—my—"

As she struggled for the right word, Maura lifted her hand in exasperation. "See? You don't even know what to call him! I used to think you were in love with him—"

"And now you think I'm not?!" Jane half-shouted, vaulting back to her feet.

Maura gulped again, determined. "No. I don't think you are."

Jane gaped wordlessly at her for a moment, then veered away. "Piss off, Maura."

"You're the one who insisted I come up here and insisted I talk, so I'm going to be a real friend for once and make you listen! Or are you the type who can only dish it out and never take it when it comes to massive relationship _wake-up _calls?"

"This is different, Maura!" Jane insisted. "Casey went through hell in Afghanistan—"

"And you don't go through hell every day?" Maura shot back.

"It's _different! _He's in a war zone!"

"You're in a war zone! Or have you gotten so accustomed to throwing yourself in front of civilians and all but killing yourself in the line of duty that you let your lack of camouflage attire keep you from believing that you are as much a hero as any soldier? You all wake up every day knowing you could be killed on the job!"

"Don't compare me to him, don't compare me to any of them," Jane said uneasily. She wasn't entirely sure why, but the thought of somebody likening her to a soldier made her feel so unworthy.

Maura sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose as she thought of another tack to take. She couldn't blame this line of Jane's reasoning on Casey; she'd clearly felt it before they'd become involved, manifested by her embarrassed attitude at the gala where she and that young female soldier had both been honored. That was the night Casey had come back into her life…

"Think about when you two were first reunited," Maura said softly. "You were still recovering from that self-inflicted bullet wound which could have ended your life. You hadn't been cleared for active duty because your strength was far from ideal. You limped. Your breath was short. Your nerves were shot. And…" Her voice caught as some tears escaped her eyes; she blinked hard to focus her gaze, not bothering to wipe the tears away. "And I know you were scared. You told me so. You were afraid you would never be yourself again, that you'd never be allowed to work again.

"But you still let him in. You still let Casey in. He spent the night with you, but you didn't sleep with him, presumably because your body had not recovered sufficiently enough to perform as well as you'd like. Is that a fair assessment of that night?"

Jane shifted her weight to one foot. "Yeah, I guess," she mumbled.

Maura's tone became softer, though it was still urgent. "Jane, don't you see? You've always had your guard up, especially around men, because you feel like if they notice even the most minutely feminine thing about you, they'll pounce and say you're not fit for your occupation. You used to only let those walls down around me, but you let them down for Casey, too. He got to see you when you were weak, when you weren't running at full capacity. And I have no doubt that he admired that about you, as he admires many of your qualities."

Wearily, Jane sat back down on the couch again. This time Maura joined her, a safe distance away. Jane took a deep breath, slowly raising her gaze from the floor back up to Maura's eyes. She shook her head.

"I've said this already, but I'll say it again. He doesn't deserve you." She waited for Jane to deny this, to stand up immediately for Casey and all of his baggage, but she remained silent. Perhaps now she'd heard enough to hear out the rest of what Maura had to say. Still, no harm in cinching it a little further: "Angela told me what you said about her and …what did you call him, Lightning McQueen?"

"Yeah," Jane snorted, allowing herself a brief, tiny smile.

"You told her that flirting with him was beneath her," Maura said. "And Jane …I don't understand how a woman like you could tell something like to her own mother, and not see that—not see that groveling to Casey is beneath _you._" She faltered slightly when Jane took a deep breath, now looking a little on edge, her hand curling into a fist at her knee. Maura kept going: "From my observations of your behavior and my knowledge of your interactions and lack of interactions with him, I have deduced that the butterflies you felt in your stomach for him all those months ago were the result of an old crush. Skyping with him stirred up long-dormant feelings of attraction which were never consummated and that, despite your profession that you wish they could be, still have not been."

"You remember he has a debilitating injury that's kind of keeping him from being able to do stuff like that, right?" Jane asked.

Maura's brow furrowed. "Does this debilitating injury also keep him from being able to act like a decent human being?"

"Maura!"

"_This is all beneath you_, Jane. He's been hurt. Badly, I admit. You were hurt, too, when you first broached the notion of rekindling that old flame—but you didn't shy away from him. You didn't ignore him, you didn't try to hide. Meanwhile, he'd been home for weeks without telling you? And given his reaction to you, probably with no intent of ever telling you, if he could have avoided it? And then when you happened to run into him through work, he couldn't even honor your relationship by being honest with you? Of course not, says male pride! Why be honest when you can just act like a selfish, pompous ass and make the woman feel like it's her fault? You know why? Because I told you long ago, Jane, the most powerful force on earth is _a thought_. By leaving you in the dark, he let you imagine the worst, which turned out to mean imagining the worst about yourself."

"H-he was worried… he was self-conscious about it. Wouldn't you be?"

"Having never gone through a similar experience, I can't say that I would," Maura said. "All I know is that when _I _talked to him, I could ascertain the severity of his injuries, and asked him to talk to you. I hoped that by doing that, he might have seen your willingness to be supportive—but instead, he remains wallowing in his self-pity, giving me no hope that he intends on ever pulling himself back out because he cannot bring himself to let you try helping him. Every time you've seen him, or every time you tell me you've seen him, you say that it's only been for him to say good-bye! Can't you see what he's doing? He's stringing you along!"

That intimation got Jane on the defensive again. "What kind of idiot do you take me for?!"

"A masochistic one at this rate! How can you not see how terribly you're being treated, and how much you've been taking it out on me?"

"On _you_?"

"Yes, on me! I'm not just talking about the fact that I had to listen you rant about him for thirty-one minutes earlier today, I mean all the time. It hurts, Jane. You used to tease me, but now I feel as if you really have no patience for me and no understanding of me anymore. It's like we're drifting apart, and it gets worse every time Casey drops in and does nothing but tell you to leave him alone."

"Maura, don't say that," Jane whispered, her voice suddenly thick with emotion. She reached out and took Maura's hand between both of her own. "You mean more to me than—I mean, you're my best friend. I'm sorry if you feel like you got caught up in all this. I don't ever want you to feel hurt."

"I know you don't," Maura said softly. "So think about this, Jane. Pretend that Casey—or, if you'd rather, just another man in Casey's exact circumstance—was treating _me _the way Casey's treating you. Imagine I offered him all of my vulnerabilities, and did my best to love and support him, and he pushed me away. Imagine he pushed me away after I'd been informed by a third party about his condition, and before that point, imagine he'd pushed me away by telling me a cruel lie, making me doubt myself. What would you do?

"I'll tell you what you'd do, because you've threatened men who've done much less. You would hunt this man down. You would, as the expression goes, take the tar out of him for treating me that way. You'd tell him to either man up or get the hell out of town and stop teasing me. Yes?"

Jane stared at her a long while, trying to go along with it, trying to picture a man treating Maura this way. "Yes," she finally whispered.

"And maybe you would feel particularly inclined to do that because a man in that situation is doing nothing more than tear down the esteem of the woman he's treating so awfully," Maura continued, now putting her other hand on top of Jane's and gripping tightly. "And you know I've always struggled to—I mean, I have always had trouble finding my place outside of a laboratory. Do you know what I admired most about you when we first met, Jane?"

She felt oddly breathless in anticipation. "What?"

"It seemed to me that you knew _exactly _who you were, and you did not apologize for it. You had enough self-confidence that you didn't need to. I found that really very inspiring. It made it so easy to become your friend. It's why I was so proud and so eager to show you off to my young half-sister, who's at such an impressionable age. I thought maybe if I reminded her too much of her mother, if I was too strange or too into science and inaccessible, maybe she would find someone like Jane Rizzoli as fascinating as I did. Maybe she'd love her, like I do. Maybe she'd see the independent, self-assured, but caring person I know you are, and want to emulate that behavior. And I know we haven't really resolved much or been on great terms lately, Cailin and I, but…" She inhaled deeply again, knowing what she was about to say would probably offend Jane quite a bit. "I'm thankful she's not being introduced to you as you are now."

Jane's voice sounded as hurt and confused as Maura thought it might. "Maur…"

"You have saved _dozens _of lives," Maura said, tears leaking out again. "You've brought closure to countless others. You know more about people than anyone else I know, and generally you're braver and you're stronger than anyone I know. Now suddenly you've invested all of your self-worth in what someone else thinks of you? And not just someone else, but a man who has treated you with zero respect, all while playing the part of the noble, wounded hero? Who throws you under the bus under the guise of throwing himself on the sword?" Shaking her head in confusion, Maura lowered her voice to a whisper again. "I want to understand what happened to you, Jane. You're not the woman you used to be."

_You're not the woman I need you to be_. _For both our sakes_.

A few moments passed, then Jane shuddered and fell forward into Maura's arms. She wasn't crying, but her breathing was shallow as she allowed Maura's hand to gently rub her back, both of them just trying to understand. They stayed like that for a minute or so, exchanging no words as Jane tried to get to a point where she thought she could speak without fear of bursting into tears.

"I hate who I am around him," she finally admitted quietly, in a shaky voice. "I didn't used to. I used to feel like it was all cool, y'know? And then this happened, and it's like …he's not who he was."

"Well, it's _exactly _like he's not who he was," Maura pointed out, "because he isn't."

"But Maura, I want him to have somebody. Even if he doesn't think he needs it now, he should have someone."

"Doesn't he have an ex-wife?"

"Well…yeah…"

"What kind of terms are they on?"

"Um…I dunno…" Jane pulled herself out of Maura's grip.

"Does he have family?"

"Yeah…"

"Has he given you any reason to believe he's honestly interested in pursuing a relationship with you? Be honest, Jane. Be brutally honest with yourself."

Jane bit her lip, searching Maura's eyes. Brutal honesty would call for more than just a thorough examination of Casey's feelings for her: it would also call for an evaluation of her true feelings for him, and possibly, for someone else. Maybe she'd been lashing out at Maura for a different reason. Maybe she'd have been quick to jump in for Maura's defense if she'd been the one treated so badly because Jane knew exactly how that woman deserved to be treated—like royalty.

What was keeping her tied to Casey? True attraction, or guilt? She had been the one romantically attached to him—however distanced—the most recently, so was it mostly obligation that made her keep trying to help him, and keep feeling like crap every time he turned her down? Why the desperation for him to stay when it was clearly doing neither of them any good? Why that desperation when she felt more emotion surging through her by Maura's hand on her own than when Casey had let her kiss him?

_Had let her. _Like he was deigning to give her some great honor by allowing her the chance.

Maura had come here hoping to shed a little light on Jane's current situation. What she wound up shedding was a lightning bolt.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Sorry it's been a while, guys! I think there's one more chapter left after this update, to sum up.

* * *

At Jane's request, Maura had left shortly after unloading all of her problems about Casey. Jane had said that she appreciated Maura's concern, and just wanted a little time to herself to really mull things over. And mull them over she did, assisted by more than a little beer. At first it had just been to give her something to do, something to nurse while she pondered all of the allegations Maura had made, not to mention the potentially life-altering realization she herself had just come to. The more she thought, she the more she fretted and the more she drank.

It was hard to stop herself, and she only did when she had reached a point of extreme anger. Not at Casey, but at Maura. She called Frankie and asked him to come over, and obliging brother that he was, he hurried.

What he wasn't expecting was to show up at Jane's apartment to see her sitting on the front steps. "Jane…?"

"Bro! 'Bout time you got here, man. I need you to give me a ride."

He had suspected during their brief phone conversation that Jane might be tipsy, but he figured she just hadn't wanted to be alone. "What? No."

"Why not?"

"You're drunk!" he said, sitting down next to her.

"Exactly! Which is why I need _youuu_—" She poked him hard in the chest. "To drive."

He sighed. "Where?"

"Maura's."

"Why?"

In a way, Jane had been expecting this. She puffed out a breath, wiping at a nonexistent tear. "I just—I've been thinking about Casey, and I wanna …I wanna not be alone right now. I wanna talk to Maura about it, 'cause she'll understand. Take me to her, Frankie, please?" She put in a little extra half-sob, just to sell it a little harder.

Looking vastly uncomfortable, Frankie put his hand on Jane's shoulder. "Why don't you just come crash at my place? We can talk if you want. It won't freak me out, I promise." He laughed weakly when Jane looked at him disbelievingly. "All right, maybe it'll make me a _little _uncomfortable. But…"

"Nah, Frankie, thanks. I wanna be with Maura."

Frankie sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. It was quite late, and Jane seemed quite drunk. If it was just the matter of the hour, he'd have no issue taking Jane to her best friend's house, but he didn't feel so good about dropping off his intoxicated sister without giving Maura a heads-up. He got to his feet. "Uh, Jane, just give me a sec, okay? I'm gonna call Frost—we were, uh… about to go out for some drinks, so I'm just gonna give him a call and tell him I'm gonna be a minute, okay?"

Jane jumped up excitedly. "Does that mean you'll drive me like the best friend brother you are?"

"Just wait a second, okay?" He walked a few steps away, dialing Maura's number, and when he put the phone to his ear, Jane asked him to tell Frost she said hello. "Geez…"

"Dr. Isles."

"Maura? Hi, it's Frankie."

"Frankie? Hello…"

"Sorry to call so late—"

"That's quite all right, I was already up."

"—but I'm at Jane's, and she asked me if I'd drive her over to your place. She's kind of, um …I mean she'd drive herself, but she's a little buzzed, y'know?"

There was a pause before Maura replied, "I see."

"And she really wants to talk to you. I mean, she's sitting here crying about Casey, and you're the only person she wants to be with. I just didn't want to spring her on you without any notice …and I mean, if you don't want to have her over, I'd totally understand, and I'll stay."

"Thank you, Frankie, but that won't be necessary. You can absolutely bring her here."

Maura figured she should have known leaving Jane alone after their conversation had been unwise, but she was prepared to stay up and soothe Jane all night if that's what it took. She knew she was the first person to confront Jane about Casey's borderline-abusive behavior, shocked that Jane had mutely accepted it for so long. Usually Jane didn't like to talk through things like her feelings, and while Maura did not entirely approve of the notion of drowning one's sorrow in alcohol, she found herself feeling a little grateful that in this case it seemed to have softened Jane's iron resolve.

What she couldn't have known was that Jane had still been together enough to fool Frankie into thinking she was weepy, not angry. So when Maura opened the door in a pair of gold silk pajamas (specifically choosing a fabric that was conducive to absorbing moisture, in case Jane literally needed a shoulder to cry on), she was not expecting a scowl on the tall, dark detective.

"Jane?" Maura asked, quietly closing the front door after she had waved to Frankie.

Jane wasted no time. "You wanna know what you are, Maura Isles? You're a freaking hypocrite, that's what! Because I did a lot of thinking after you left, a _lot _of thinking, and you said things before that don't sit well with me!" When Maura sighed and started walking over to the couch, Jane huffed in annoyance and grabbed her arm, turning her around. "Hey! Don't walk off when I'm talking to you!"

Maura wrenched herself out of Jane's grip, glaring daggers at her. "Touch me like that again and I'll kick you out, Jane Rizzoli." She smoothed out her sleeve, trying to look as though her arm and her pride were the only things Jane had hurt. "I just have the feeling I need to sit for this conversation."

"There it is," Jane whispered, following Maura to the sofa.

"What?" Maura sighed.

"You threatened to get rid of me after I treated you bad." She sank onto the couch needlessly close to Maura, throwing a rather expensive pillow on the floor to get as close as possible. "Doesn't that seem funny to you?" She could see Maura's eyes searching her, trying to follow along, to guess at where Jane was going. "Lemme make this clear as crystal for you, Maura. You cornered me before. Right? About Casey. Said you didn't like me wussing out for a man, right? And what all—what all else did you say, you thought I was a bad road model for Caitlin?"

"_Role_ model," Maura corrected her weakly. "For… _Cailin_."

Jane snorted. "Whatever. _Cailin_. Well how would you like it if _Cailin's_ big sister was nothing more than a big old, cheap-ass doormat for the men in her life?"

Maura's mouth fell open and she pushed herself away from Jane. "_Excuse_ me?"

"Oh what, you're surprised?" Jane asked sourly. "Mad that now I'm calling _you _on it? Huh?"

"Jane, I think you should go. Go to the guest house to cool off, stay the night."

"Ian," Jane said darkly, and Maura's lips pressed together somberly. "What the hell's that guy about, Maura, huh? He just comes around wherever you are whenever he feels like it, and you just drop whatever to sleep with him? What's he got that I haven't got? I mean—I mean, what's he got that… you keep going back to him, letting him treat you like a _doormat?_"

"Jane, it's not—"

"A doormat," Jane repeated, slamming her foot down and dragging it against the floor for emphasis. "That means he gets to walk all over you, doesn't care if you're seeing someone else or living somewhere else or whatever; he's just gonna do what he wants and get up and leave you when he wants 'cause he knows he can come back any time and do what he wants to do to you any time! You'll let him!"

"Jane!"

"_You will! _And I had to sit around picking up the pieces of you that he broke because he's the great love of your life—whenever he cares enough to show up!"

Maura got to her feet and turned her back on Jane, breathing sharply and hands settled on her hips. _She's emotional, she's drunk, you attacked her judgment first; don't cry…_

Jane stood up as well. "Easy to just turn your back, isn't it? What about Dennis?"

That got Maura to wheel around, lifting one hand to point at Jane. But her words were not as hard as the accusatory gesture: "Don't, Jane. Please don't."

"Don't what, don't mention that he was a _serial killer?_" Jane growled. "That you dated some twisted psycho who got off on killing women who reminded him of his mother, and that he tried to kill you?" She saw the slap coming and nearly let it happen, but her own hand shot out involuntarily to grab Maura's wrist before the doctor's hand could come into contact with her cheek. "Now I've upset you," she said, her tone suddenly regretful. "I wasn't gonna mention it, Maura, it just came out. I already told you that you couldn't have known about Dennis. Hell, I'm a trained detective, I'm _supposed _to be a trained detective, and I screwed that one up. I was blind. Jealous."

_Jealous of what, of him for having Maura? Or Maura for having a relationship? _

"The problem's the way he treated you before that, and the way you let him," Jane mumbled, her grip on Maura's wrist loosening up a bit. "So I wanna know where _you _get off calling me a—calling me out on how I am with Casey when you weren't any better with Dennis. He didn't get in touch with you, and you were ready to be upset and mad and not talk to him. Then he what, he shows up with flowers and that stupid grin, with some stupid nice words and a stupid _hug _and that's all it takes? You'll look over everything he did to you, the way he ignored you? And _why? _Because he was good-looking, because he had a hard-on for you? That all it takes for you, Maura? 'Cause it didn't used to." Jane let out a shuddering breath before sniffing loudly, trying to hold back the tears that were already falling. "Didn't used to."

Maura felt her eyes stinging with tears, also.

It didn't help when Jane brushed away her own tears, her gaze never leaving Maura's. She shook her head. "Maura Doormat Isles. Shouldn't be you." It was the truth, unadulterated and un-cushioned, as only Jane Rizzoli could tell it. "You get a free pass, Maura, 'cause you're so fem… you're so girly? I'm the tough guy, so I can't ever be sad or disappointed or needy, 'cause if I do, that makes me seem weak? You're a tough guy too, sometimes. You deserve …_so _much better than you've ever, ever gotten."

Tears were falling freely from Maura's eyes now, and she crossed quickly over to the kitchen where she knew she would find the closest tissue box. Jane slowly followed her, staying on the opposite side of the island. Maura wiped her eyes, not offering any tissues to Jane, who did not ask for any. She merely put her hands in her back pockets and waited, either for Maura to say something or for inspiration to come to her again. Now that she'd gotten out everything that had been barreling through her head, she felt a little weightless. But she didn't feel good, she didn't feel vindicated, not with Maura red-eyed and crying over it.

What hurt Maura the most was knowing how right Jane was. Maybe she had finally called out Jane on her behavior because it was something she had subconsciously recognized in herself, something she wanted to end. Something that come up on her out of nowhere.

"I don't get it," Jane muttered, and Maura looked up at her. Jane was leaning her elbows on the kitchen island, staring down at it and scratching her head. "I don't get what you think that makes you think you have to act that way. Desperate."

"I'm n-not desperate," Maura said.

"You were gonna freeze your eggs," Jane snorted, meeting her eyes. "I guess 'cause you don't think you need to make finding Mr. Right a priority, like I don't but my Ma does. But I'm like one of the dudes. And I'm a cop. I'm not easy to get along with—hell, _you _know that. So when a guy comes around and I feel like things could work out, I just thought …hey, I need to try. But I tried the wrong way, y'know?"

Maura hiccupped. "I'm not sure I do," she said thickly, crumpling up the last of her tissues and throwing it away.

Jane straightened up and walked slowly around the island. "You shouldn't have to settle, and that's what you were doing, wasn't it?" she asked. "You're brilliant and you're beautiful and you're really smart, Maura. You're pretty. You're sweet. You're nice… most of the time. So I know how you might wanna just sleep around 'cause there's nothing wrong with it, not to you, but there _is _something wrong with it when you go getting attached to dirtbags who treat you like crap. You deserve…"

The doctor's breath caught when Jane put her hands on Maura's hips, rubbing one gently up and down. She became acutely aware of how much she was trembling when Jane's dark eyes focused on her lips, then her eyes.

"Better," Jane whispered.

Jane leaned in for a kiss, and mostly out of surprise, Maura granted it. She heard herself gasp softly when Jane opened her mouth slightly to kiss her again, one arm clumsily wrapping around Maura's back while Maura's hands went automatically to Jane's waist. The feeling of this was so perfect, it was almost painful. Jane was firing off synapses in Maura that hadn't been touched with a first kiss in years, and she felt her stomach starting to ache with a flurry of what Jane might've called butterflies.

But it wasn't as close to perfect as it could be.

Maura pulled away, breathing heavily again as she searched Jane's eyes. This couldn't happen, not when she was sober and Jane wasn't; it couldn't go farther when there was a very good chance Jane could regret and deny it all tomorrow.

"How…?" Maura whispered, not knowing how to ask tactfully.

Jane guessed, as was her way, and correctly: "How drunk am I?" she asked, half of her mouth turning up into a smile before she smothered it. "Enough to have been that mean to you before, I guess. But… not so much that I don't know exactly …pretty much what I'm doing right now." Her hands tenderly reached for Maura's face, and Maura couldn't resist, kissing her fervently. "_Oh, _Maura," Jane whimpered, pushing herself as close as she could.

"Jane," Maura whispered, tightening her own hold and kissing her again.

"You had to… you had to hear from someone," Jane said softly.

"Hear what, that I wanted you?"

Jane smiled again. "Uh… sure."

Maura patted her arm gently. "You're staying the night, Jane. Come to bed."

"Wow, really?"

"To sleep," Maura said flatly, taking Jane's hand and leading her towards the bedroom. "We're not doing much else until you've sobered up a bit."

"Now see, this is why we should be together," Jane said, walking a little faster. They had reached the bedroom, and Jane went over to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Maura onto her lap. "You're not gonna let me treat me bad, are you? You're not gonna let me take advantage of anything. Or you shouldn't, anyway."

"I won't," Maura said. "And you…"

"I promise not to be awful to you, and to try my best to change if I ever did. I mean, if I ever was." Jane shook her head. "We kinda screwed up, Maura. Ian left you. Dennis left you. Casey left me no word. But I…" She leaned up, taking one more kiss. "I wouldn't leave you."


	3. Chapter 3

Jane frowned in confusion when she heard a knock at her door. Someone in her family would have called before coming over this late, and she didn't have any plans with Maura …did she? _Crap, that'd be just like me to forget! At least I have a good excuse to be addle-brained these days! _Jumping over a precarious pile of boxes, Jane glimpsed through her peephole. She almost did a double take, and looked twice just to be sure. Excitement was draining out of her like air escaping a deflating balloon.

_Casey?_

For a moment she considered just pretending she wasn't home. Even if he'd seen her light on, he would know she's the type of person who had accidentally left her apartment without shutting them off once or twice. But if he finally wanted to talk, it was time to talk. Let this end.

When she opened the door a smidge, she wasn't quite smiling. She wasn't sure that she was frowning, either, but whatever the expression was, it probably wasn't what Casey had been hoping to see. Jane watched as his own weak smile grew even weaker.

"Hi, Jane," he finally said when she made no salutation.

She leaned against the frame, casual. Not eager. Not desperate. Not even passionate enough to be angry anymore. "Hey."

He nodded slowly, waiting for an invitation that never came. She was going to shame him into asking? Fine, he at least probably owed her the right to that. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," she said with a shrug, opening the door a little wider and walking towards the kitchen.

With the assistance of a cane, Casey shuffled over the threshold, then came to a halt when he got a good look at the interior of the apartment. The sofa he'd envisioned sitting on was no longer there. Nor was the easy chair. There was a slew of cardboard boxes all over the carpet, and glancing into the kitchen, he saw most of the cabinet doors were open, showing the empty insides. Jane was at the refrigerator and asked if he'd like a beer; he nodded as he made his way over to the kitchen table. There was one chair left, and he sank wearily into it. Jane handed him a bottle of beer, then sat herself on the counter-top, close enough to keep one foot perched on top of the kitchen table. When Casey remained silent, concentrating on opening his beer, Jane figured maybe it was her turn to start a conversation.

"That actually came with the apartment," she said, nodding at the table. "Chairs were mine, though. I sold all of 'em except that one you're sitting in. Don't worry; it's not gonna break under you or anything. It's just got this ugly stain on the back from—God, I don't even know what! Figured it might make good kindling or something when I'm outta here."

"You're moving somewhere with a fireplace." _That's your line, Casey? Wow, good one. How could she possibly find you resistible._

"Yup."

"So you _are _moving, then?"

She snorted a laugh, and he didn't blame her. "Yeah, I'm moving. Tomorrow, actually. These are just the last few boxes, and I figured I'd spend one more night in the place. Just for old time's sake."

"Are you…" He took a swig of beer, trying to calm his nerves, trying to act as though her answer didn't have the potential to wreck him. "Leaving Boston?"

"Oh, no," she laughed. "No, never."

"So…why?"

"I'm moving in with Maura."

He stared blankly at her for a few moments. She just smiled, as she always involuntarily did at the prospect of living with Dr. Isles, and sipped down some of her own beer. She watched as Casey's eyes swept the living room, and she knew he was buying time. It was what a suspect did in the interrogation room when she'd dropped a hint, and it was up to them to try and figure out how much she thought they knew.

"You okay for money?" he finally asked. "I mean moving in with your best friend—that's nice of Maura, but—"

"Casey," Jane cut in gently, and his gaze reverted back to her. "Maura's my best friend, you're right. She is my _best _friend. I love—I'm _in _love with her." Casey's jaw tightened, his eyes narrowed in confusion. Jane nodded and took another draw of beer. "She's my girlfriend, Casey. My significant other. And she has been for some time, now."

He swallowed hard and looked down at the tabletop. Jane had always been a bit of a kidder. "You serious?" he asked.

The gentleness in Jane's voice was gone. "I'm serious as a hear attack, Casey. As a kidney operation." When he looked up at her with a raised eyebrow at the unusual phrase, Jane explained, "Maura's been going through hell lately. Lots of family drama, and then she decided to give her kidney to her dying half-sister. I was there when she went in for the operation, and there when she got out. She let me be there for her."

"And I guess I didn't let you be there for me?" Casey snorted.

"I tried," Jane said, her voice forcibly restrained again. "And when Maura and I started seeing each other, I didn't know if I should try calling you or not—but then I _did _call you when I knew you'd be recovering from your surgery. And guess what?" She shrugged. "Surprise, surprise, you didn't answer. I texted you, I emailed you, thinking maybe that would be easier for you. You wouldn't have to hear my voice, or say anything you hadn't had time to prepare. But no. Nothing. I tried damn hard, Casey, and you know why?"

"You're in love with me," Casey offered, folding his arms stiffly.

Jane shook her head, pointing at him. "I thought I was. But no. I was thinking of something my Uncle Dom used to tell me and my brothers: if you don't try to help a friend through his dark times, don't expect to be there during his success. That's what friends, that's what _good people _do for each other. They help, and they own up to it when they _need _help. I cared about you, yeah. I was trying to do right by you, and you wouldn't let me."

"_I _was trying to do right by _you_," Casey said, his voice gruff. "I was—helpless. Hopeless. I couldn't have made love to you. Not like I should have been able to."

"Like you _should have _been able to?" Jane asked, her voice and eyebrows raising. "Casey! You're not that ignorant, are you?" And at the word, his head jerked upwards, a scowl on his face. "There's more than one way to make love," she continued, trying once again to reign in her emotions. She could have gone on about many ways Maura was able to make love to her, all without the use of what Casey apparently thought was the only way to feel a woman. But that would've been a little cold, and maybe a little too much information. "Maura said she thought you were selfish," Jane went on. "Thought you were stringing me along."

"I didn't want to be a burden," Casey said through his teeth.

"Part of me believes that," Jane said lightly. "But the other part of me just thinks you were too proud to let me love you."

"_Proud?" _Casey balked. "You think I'm proud of this injury? Of the fact that I couldn't be with you?"

"First of all, if you'd really wanted it, you _could _have been with me," Jane said. "Second of all, that's not what I meant. Pride," as had once been defined to her by Korsak, "is the fear of shame. And that's what is was for you, wasn't it, Casey? It would've hurt your pride to have someone else take care of you. Oh a nurse or a doctor, that's fine; they're paid, that's what they're there for. But God forbid anyone you actually _know_, who gives a damn about you _personally_, see you at anything but your very 'best,' whatever the hell that would be."

"That's not what it was about!" Casey argued.

"Like hell it wasn't!" Jane shouted. "When you first got back to Boston you _lied _to me!"

"I d—"

"You LIED! Casey! Rather than actually let me know what had happened to you, you went and told me you just didn't care anymore! That you didn't want to be with me, that you didn't care about me, not anything!"

"I wanted to spare you pain," Casey said loudly. "Don't tell me that was selfish!"

"It _was! _Because you kept the truth from me! You thought you knew best, and you thought you knew how I'd react! Gee, thanks for the all the pain you spared me, Casey! Thanks for making me feel about as happy and loved as a bum's used cigarette! Thanks for all the time I wasted wondering what _I _had done wrong, what _I _could have done better! Thank you sparing me all that pain!"

"Look, I'm better now," Casey said. "I had the operation, I can walk all right with a cane, and I…" He made a conscious effort to lower his voice, not to sound so angry. "I promise to listen better, all right? I promise. I won't try to… assume what you're thinking."

Jane shook her head in disbelief. "Casey? I'm in a relationship right now. Maybe you already forgot the part where I said I'm _moving?_"

Again, Casey looked at the boxes in the living room, his scowl returning. "I pushed you away," he admitted. "And I can see that was wrong, okay? I see your point. I get it, and I apologize."

"Wow, that sounded so sincere."

"I'm _sorry_, Jane. I am. Why don't—look, just… take me back, okay? Please?"

"No. Not okay. Casey, I'm still—I still feel bad. I still sometimes worry that there's more I could've done, but _you would not let me. _I tried my damndest, and I'm not gonna beat myself up anymore about the fact that you didn't let me in."

"What'd _she _do right?" Casey asked.

"Maura? Maura. If you want to know everything Maura did right to start a relationship with me, you're gonna have clear your schedule for the next month or so."

Casey shrugged, arms still folded, eyes still dark. "I got time." Jane raised her eyebrows and smiled, wondering how serious he was. He looked pretty dead set on getting an answer, and when Jane didn't start talking right away, he said, "Y'know I defended you. In high school. I defended you."

"From…"

"A bunch of guys all said you were like this, that you were a dyke."

Jane bristled at the word and set her beer down so hard that the bottle almost smashed. She jumped to her feet, and Casey hastened to say it had been the boys' choice of words, not his. "And what, you said I wasn't? You were the knight in shining armor who went around and said Jane Rizzoli wasn't some freak, some lezzie? She was normal?"

"You're gonna prove them right?"

"You think I give a damn what anyone from _high school _thought about me? Oh, what, Rory Graham thinks I'm some butch? My life is _ruined!_"

"Jane…"

"You wanna know what Maura Isles did right?" she asked, looking sharply down at Casey. "She called me out on my bull, Casey, something I maybe should've done with you a long time ago. She's romantic when it's appropriate, and in ways that people would still translate as such after 1945. That means she wouldn't find it romantic to leave a woman in the dark about a medical condition just to 'spare her' the pain. She answers my calls, my texts, my knocks when I'm at her door. Even when her life's in a rut and she's in pain, physical or otherwise, she thinks of other people. She tries to do what she can for them."

"I work with wounded veterans, Jane," Casey said darkly. "I'm not just sitting at home feeling sorry for myself."

"She doesn't use her job as an excuse to hide," Jane said. "When she needs help, she's not too proud to ask for it. When she needed me, she _told me _she did. And when I needed her? She was there. She's _always_ been there. Even if she was capable of lying to me, she wouldn't. Not when it mattered. She doesn't make me second-guess myself, or make me question my choices, my tactics. And when she talks to me, or I'm holding her, I know she can feel me." Jane pounded her fist over her heart. "She feels me _here._"

A long silence followed. Jane kept her hand at her heart, her eyes intently focused on Casey. He was looking at the table, teeth clenched together behind his lips. He was numb with disbelief, unable to get angry at Maura or even jealous—not yet. Those feelings would surely come later, but right now, that disbelief was washing out everything. He could never have guessed something like this would happen.

"She makes you happy," he finally said.

Jane found herself understanding how useful it was for Maura to have a wide vocabulary at her disposal. Sometimes common words just didn't express enough. "She makes me _exultant_."

Another silence, and Casey shrugged one shoulder. "You wouldn't have been happy with me," he reasoned. "I had… too much going on. Tests, disability, PT. Would've been a mess. You wouldn't have been happy."

Jane just shook her head, making another sound of disbelief. "Casey," she sighed. "If it's gonna make you feel better to think that, you go right ahead. I won't stop you this time."

With great effort, Casey got to his feet. Jane stayed on the other side of the table, arms folded, eying him with only the vaguest interest. "So it _was _me," he said. "The problem."

Jane shrugged. "The problem was both of us. This isn't about blame, Casey. It's about the fact that I am now with the love of my life." She didn't have to emphasize those words for Casey to know she didn't use them lightly; he winced all the same. "Sorry if I'm being blunt, Casey, but I'm just being honest. Don't try and get back with me. Don't ask me for another chance. If you feel like being friends, let me know. But that other door's closed, and it's not swinging."

He nodded, and started heading for the door. Jane didn't follow him, didn't offer to get it for him, and watched as she pulled the knob. "Well," he said, looking at her over his shoulder. "Goodbye, Jane Rizzoli."

"Goodbye, Casey." He hadn't been gone a full minute before Jane's phone went off. "Maura? That's so weird, I was just gonna call you."

"Honey, are you all right? You sound rattled."

"Yeah, I…" Jane groaned and sank into the chair Casey had only just vacated. "I feel so low, I could get on stilts and walk under Jo Friday."

"Oh, Jane!" Maura said, unable to hold in a chuckle at Jane's choice of words. "What's wrong? Rethinking your last night alone?"

"Yeah, what the hell was I thinking?" Jane grumbled. "I mean, I _know _what I was thinking. Just sort of be here, alone in my pad for one more night. Kind of remind myself why it makes _so _much more sense for me to just… well, be with you. All the time."

"Including tonight?" Maura asked hopefully.

"Including tonight."

"Good, because I'm on my way over."

"Really?"

"I thought I'd drop off some cannoli's for you."

"Maura, have I told you lately that you are, for all intents and purposes, totally perfect?"

"Depends on how you define 'lately.'"

"Ha, ha. Hey, I'll meet you outside, okay? I think Jo could use a walk." She laughed when Jo came running over at the word, barking. "She could _definitely _use one! I'll be at the stairs."

"Great! I should be there in a minute or two."

Casey was glad he had crossed the street to call a taxi. Sitting on the bench on the corner, he looked on as Jane jogged down the front steps of her apartment, Jo Friday on a leash in front of her. For a moment he worried she was going to walk his way, but she appeared to be waiting for someone. She pulled out her phone and played with it for a while, until a blue Prius pulled up and a woman got out. Casey's taxi pulled up, and he slowly got to his feet, squinting to see Jane and… yup, that was Maura.

They exchanged a quick kiss, and Jane reached for a paper bag Maura was holding. Maura laughed as Jane pulled something from the bag and stuffed it into her mouth. Jo Friday tugged at the leash, and Maura hooked her arm through Jane's. Together they began walking in the direction opposite Casey's cab.

"Hey buddy, did you wanna get out of here or what?" the driver asked impatiently.

Casey sighed and opened the door. "Yeah. Sure do."

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you for reading. Long live Rizzles.


End file.
